Q:  Hi Nina.  My wife and I are dealing with a trust issue in our marriage.  Last year I discovered that she was having an affair online.  We are trying to work it out but I am having a very hard time trusting her.  How do I move on from the affair?

A:   Once you have made the decision to stay married and work on repairing your relationship, there must be open communication between the two of you. However if you are behaving in a manner that has her on the defensive all the time, it will be very difficult to move forward as the trust concern will only grow bigger and bigger.  If you haven’t already sought counselling or some support you should do so individually and as a couple.  It’s important to understand the root cause of the breakdown of your relationship.

The other big piece is that since you have decided to move forward together, you must cut her some slack.  Without knowing the full extent of the breakdown, I would imagine that every time she’s on the computer, it makes you uncomfortable and you behave in a way that shows her that you don’t trust her.   Like I said, open communication is key, let her know how you are feeling, but do not let your feelings of mistrust be the basis of every conversation.  I understand that you may be feeling betrayed but the decision to stay together was made, you have to work on managing your expectations and keep your feelings in check.

Just remember that this is going to take time to heal and self care is also very important.

It’s my honour to serve you! God Bless

Have a question you’d like me to answer?

Email me at nina@theapostropheproject.com

Nina Ganguli is a Change Agent, Certified Professional Life Coach and Author of the book: Confessions of a Can’t-aholic: How to go from “I Can’t” to “I Can!”

For more about Nina Ganguli check out her website: www.theapostropheproject.com

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