After receiving feedback from last weeks tirade on the atrocious services of the TTC, this week we’ve decided to profile the commuters who make the journey occasionally hellish, and maybe a constant source of amusement. It all depends on how you look at it. Of course you can choose to ignore everything—especially if your earphones are plugged deep into your ears and your eyes glued to your android device at whatsapp, Instagram, or Facebook. And if all you do on the bus or train is to revel and indulge the inner megalomaniac in yourself, hey, just go back to gazing with the utmost love and affection at your Smartphone. For those of you who want to be entertained, here’s a look at your fellow travelers, their etiquette, bad manners or mannerisms, and demeanor captioned accordingly:

The Litter-ati: They chew gum and slyly place it under their seats when they think nobody is watching. Some of them peel oranges, and not only leave the skin behind, but also the seeds (spitting it slyly and then dropping it on the floor). Ditto for the apple eaters who often forget their cores on the sides of their seats. Some who frequent fast-food places leave their droppings everywhere—chips, bits of doughnuts, wrappers, biscuit, muffin and croissant crumbs, pretzels, and cups and coffee stains on seats. Before you utter a loud “YUCK!” let me warn you that I’ve observed some digging their orifices and then wiping it on to the nearest seat or pole in the bus, or train.

Chatter-boxes or the Duck Brigade: They may be lonely nannies, or personal support workers, but they sure can talk nine-to-the-dozen. The language sounds strangely like the quacking of ducks, and boy can they make a racket especially if they are travelling in a group. As soon as you see them entering the vehicle you just have to increase the volume of the music in your headphones—to drown the animated cackle that grows louder by the decibel.

Pet-peeves: Closely resembling the facial expressions of the animals (dogs, or cats) they are seen with, these are the ones who insist that their dogs sit on seats reserved for human beings, they also kiss them (on the mouth, yeesh!!! Remember that those pets also lick their own butts!), sometimes brush them and stroke them, leaving all their hair, dander, and maybe an army of fleas on the seat and on to your new black woolen jacket to take up permanent residence.

One equals to three: Their backpacks are humongous, certainly looks like they’re carrying a ton of bricks. Or maybe it’s just last years library material, notebooks, lunch boxes, or cartons of chocolate milk. Whatever on earth it is, they insist on standing with this load on their backs—even if there are 10 empty seats, creating a voluminous space like the girth of King-Kong’s arm. The worst part; the aisle of the bus is fairly narrow so you just cannot get past these space-hoggers even if you’re as slim as Nicole Ritchie. Then you encounter the grocery shoppers with 4 bags who simply love shopping during rush hour. They stand at the front of the bus, right behind the driver to make sure that they block everyone else from entering the bus. You can trip, slide, jump or hop but you won’t get past this blockade of a brigade.

My fake Louis Vuitton needs a seat too: Consider the rush, and the fact that you missed getting trampled underfoot only to enter the compartment and see the lady with a handbag on the seat beside her. Not only does she ignore your tired and worn out countenance, but to add to the injustice she keeps a dozen bananas, romaine lettuce, and a New York cheesecake next to her fake leather bag. Thus robbing you of the space to settle your poor old tired rump. An “Excuse Me?” and a lift of your eyebrows as you beg for the seat only gets you a disdainful Marie Antoinette look and a silent, but obvious “How dare you take the place of my $5 Made in Thailand purse!”

Dirty sneakers, anyone? These folks unperturbedly discomfort everyone as they place their sneakered feet on the seats in front of them or on the sides as they occupy at least 3-4 seats as they stretch themselves. Never mind if it’s public property—to their little minds it’s just the deck in their backyard. You might as well ignore them because you want to avoid an argument but you do feel for the cleaners who come along at night to fight a load of dirt and grime.

Have a fantastic weekend, and if you have to take the TTC, the best travel companion you could possibly take with you is a good book.

Jude Paul Fernandes is the author of ‘Frost Bites’ which is available at the Toronto Public Library and the upcoming ‘Lonely in Mumbai’. He can be followed @judepaulferns