Q:  Hi Nina, I’ve been married for twenty years, and up until recently my relationship with my wife was great.  I have been noticing lately that she has become cold and distant.  I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she keeps telling me everything is fine. How do I get her to open up to me so I can figure out what the problem is?

A:   Thank you for your question.  My feeling is here is that something has probably been off for some time. I hear so many times from couples that things were great and then all of a sudden it changes and they have no idea why.  The reality is that there have been signs all along; you just haven’t been present to the changes.  I would recommend that you give this some thought.  That being said, has something changed in the household or at work for your wife?  Do you have children?  Have they recently left the house?  Did you recently move?  There are many things that may have changed, but you may not necessarily see them as significant but she might.

Take a deep dive into your life to try and pin point what’s changed in the circumstance and you may see a little more.  Of course clear and timely communication is key. I have noticed that the best time for my husband and I, or even my children and I to have a good conversation is when everything seems peaceful and calm.  Always begin with how the changes are making you feel.  There is a strong tendency for many of us to point fingers when we are communicating.  When you approach the conversation try starting with how you are feeling.  For example,  I’ve noticed a change with you and it’s making me feel…. instead of what most of us do, You’ve changed and it’s really upsetting.

Just remember to be compassionate and loving in your communication and she will be more likely to open up.

It’s my honour to serve you! God bless!

 

Have a question you’d like me to answer?

 

Email me at nina@theapostropheproject.com

 

Nina Ganguli is a Change Agent, Certified Professional Life Coach and Author of the book: Confessions of a Can’t-aholic: How to go from “I Can’t” to “I Can!”

For more about Nina Ganguli check out her website: www.theapostropheproject.com

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