The holidays seem to be a time that brings out both the best and worst in us. I saw a meme that made me laugh and also made me think. It read “Yesterday we were giving thanks for all we have and today we are killing each other for what we want.” This was referring to Thanksgiving and the following pandemonium of Black Friday. This seems to be the general mood of the season. On the one hand we are filled with holiday cheer and on the other hand we are willing to go to all sorts of lengths to transform into raving maniacs to secure that oh so illusive something on our list of gifts. That’s just the tip of the iceberg! Now it’s time for holiday get-togethers with our families and all kinds of crazy happens here! Screaming, crying, passive aggressive behavior and then there’s the kids pumped up on a sugar high and Uncle Ben snoring in the corner. So how do we manage this family dysfunction during the holidays?

Here are 5 Tips that can help you to cope!

1. Realize that you can only change your reaction or inaction to a situation: the great thing about us human beings is that we were born with free choice. This means you get to decide how you feel about a situation and how you react to it. If Aunt Celia drives you bonkers because she always thinks she’s right and you feel the need to explain to her that she’s wrong, perhaps the best way to deal with this situation is to nod your head, smile and excuse yourself so you can get another sip of eggnog. Avoid engaging, becoming irritated and ruining the rest of the night for yourself.

2. Check yourself before you wreck yourself! What mood are you in? Have you been running around like a chicken with your head cut off? Did you just have a terrible argument with someone else, or a bad day at work? Maybe you need to relax before you head out so you are calmer and mentally prepared for what’s ahead.

3. It’s a holiday dinner, not a vacation so leave your baggage at the door: If there is unfinished business with someone you are going to see, perhaps a long heart to heart before the holidays is in order, maybe even some counselling. Start your counselling prior to the holidays not after!

4. Live in the real world, not the world of Santa’s Village: The reality is that none of us are perfect and if you are expecting a perfect holiday with perfect people, you are living in La La Land. Just show up to have fun, don’t get roped into those situations that get under your skin and elicit an inappropriate response.

5. Stay home or go on a vacation! I know you think I’m insane! But just give me a chance here. Think about it, if hanging out with your family really affects you negatively and is long lasting; maybe a little self care needs to come into play here. Now I am really referring to those situations that are detrimental to your mental health. I work in EAP, and it is incredible how many people call in for counselling support after the holidays because of all the issues that are brought up. Maybe, just maybe it’s better to get away for your own sanity.
If the above tips don’t help then drink all the red wine, release your frustration and call a cab to drive you home. The family will be stunned into silence and it will be a peaceful silent night for all! Or remember mama’s great advice; If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!

On a more serious note, not all of us are happier during the holidays! Let’s try to keep that in mind while we are going on about days during the holidays. I can tell you from experience, there are many people who wish they could have the crazy holiday shenanigans I am referring to above.

One extra bonus tip! Go out to a shelter and give back! There is nothing like giving to those in need to really exemplify what the holidays are really about, then perhaps those irritating relatives won’t be so irritating after all.

Alas before we are done, let me leave you with this poem of a little winter fun…

Snowball
~ Shel Silverstein

I made myself a snowball,
As perfect as could be,
I thought I’d keep it as a pet,
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas,
And a pillow for its head,
Then last night it ran away,
But first – it wet the bed!

Happy Holidays!

It is my honour to serve you! God Bless!
Please drop me a line, I would love to hear from you!

nina@theapostropheproject.com